The Origins

On 22nd September 2022, I had the worst day of my life when, at 6:20am in Washington DC, my wife, Jane, with whom I had been with for over 40 years, died suddenly in Washington University Hospital of a heart attack the day after her 62nd birthday.

Distraught but with the help of my closest of close friends, David (Dice) and Judith Wright who Jane and I had spent the previous 5 weeks travelling with in the USA, I got Jane and me home.

It occurred to me quite quickly, when cooking, that there were probably many others, bereft like me but unlike me, unable, unwilling or just not bothered about cooking; but maybe if I could help, I should. But how?

I knew little of social media but I thought that creating a place for others to latch on to I might help some come out of the gloom and despondency that grief carries with it and begin to cook properly for themselves.

So the thought came to me, why not do something on line and call it The Widower’s Kitchen. It would be authentic and probably quite raw with mistakes but that would be fine. So that was the germ of the idea. Something positive to come out of the loss of my darling wife which would never have happened had she not died.

Mark

Cooking on your own

I never expected, nor had any ambition, to create a cookery website but the traumatic loss of my beautiful wife of 40 years, whilst on holiday in the States, was the trigger.

Suddenly being on my own and stood in my kitchen, the thought came to me that I could not be the only one bereft but may be I was in a minority of men with experience in the kitchen. A rank amateur, that’s for sure, but with the experience of cooking for my wife, family and friends, and with the knowledge that cooking can be fun and fulfilling. Not only that, cooking is a brilliant diversion and very satisfying to create even the simplest of dishes from scratch.

Sure, a quick and easy convenience meal has its place but a “Meal for One” put in the microwave, ready in 10 minutes, eaten in 5 is less than fulfilling let alone satisfying, especially if done every day.

Deciding on a meal, buying the ingredients, taking time to prepare and then setting about the cooking process can seem too much for some, but it should not be. The cooking process is remarkably forgiving (baking is not), my attempts are full of mistakes, some in very embarrassing situations (!!!), but most remain edible and there is always another meal time to try again.

My own experience in the kitchen since losing Jane proved to me that cooking is not only fun and fulfilling, if sometimes testing, it is also wonderful for mental health and has helped me through the grieving process.

I am a lucky one, I was born with positive genes and have been able to cope. Not all can, but I am convinced that the combination of creating a meal for myself, and others provides an opportunity for all. We have to eat; why not be part of the creative process.

For me, cooking is like music. All the same ingredients or notes but put together in a different order with different instruments or influences. There is one difference. Music is good for the soul; food is good for the body and soul! You might start with chop sticks but before you know it, you will be playing Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata!

All are welcome to The Widower’s Kitchen. It is dedicated to Jane, my wife.

With her it would not be. Without her, it must be.

Eat well and be happy.

Mark S. Hanson

The Widower.